Postmortem
Well, as of now, we're still not sure who our next President is going to be (although I'm still confident Bush won). There needs to be a quicker way to process those provisional ballots, so we won't have to wait so long.
As expected, I was up until 2:30 a.m. last night. Good thing I'm off today, otherwise I would be nodding off. I think I'll take a nap or two today.
In other news, I'm sick of rain. Good thing I got my car door fixed, huh? Anyway, I just wish for the glorious sun to come out. That way the ground will dry off and I won't be sloshing in mud every time I leave the house.
(Edited because "althought" and "leavc" aren't words yet, and "cone out" and "come out" are NOT interchangeable, despite what others may say)
As expected, I was up until 2:30 a.m. last night. Good thing I'm off today, otherwise I would be nodding off. I think I'll take a nap or two today.
In other news, I'm sick of rain. Good thing I got my car door fixed, huh? Anyway, I just wish for the glorious sun to come out. That way the ground will dry off and I won't be sloshing in mud every time I leave the house.
(Edited because "althought" and "leavc" aren't words yet, and "cone out" and "come out" are NOT interchangeable, despite what others may say)
7 Comments:
At 10:56 AM,
Reagan said…
Washington, D.C., U.S. (AP): The Department of Homeland Security has determined that there is "little to no risk" of any increased terrorist activities resulting from the supposed phenomenon of the "coning out" of the solar system suspected by the Swiss government this morning.
The Department used recent reports from NASA to confirm that, in fact, the solar output from the sun is normal.
The Federal Bureau of Investigations stated mid-day Wednesday that, in fact, intellegence efforts have revealed that the reports of the so-called "coning out" were based not on scientific readings, but from an unintentional typographical error of widely popular and acclaimed American bloggist Reagan Bockhold.
In a statement released after this revelation, Donald Rumsfeld said, "In the post-election climate, paranoia is rampant, not just about the election itself, but about security concerns. Leave it to a press release such as this to add fuel to the fire of the American people."
The Swedish officials were not available for comment.
Meanwhile, an unconfirmed report out of Los Angeles suspected "weeping and gnashing of teeth" in reaction to the news that the solar output may be affected. However, most officials suspect that this may have been in reaction to Senator John Kerry's defeat in the race for the President of the United States.
At 11:59 AM,
Reagan said…
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At 12:04 PM,
Reagan said…
Oklahoma City (AP): Writer Reagan Bockhold, who is popular and acclaimed throughout the world for her inspirational and insightful blog entries, is "embarrassed and humiliated" about the typographical errors that started worldwide speculation about a solar event that was thought to have started the end of the world.
In a statement released early Wednesday afternoon, Bockhold stated, "I am usually very capricious about editing my blog for grammatical correctness and factual accuracy. I have no excuse for the horrible error."
This ended speculation that these errors may had been caused by the fact that Bockhold, like many other Americans, was awake until early Wednesday morning watching election returns.
Bockhold continued, "I would like to express my sincere apologies to the American people, the Swiss, Swedish, and Netherlands governments and people for confusing their fine countries for one another, and to Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie for causing their respective cardiac arrests."
The news of the solar event crossed the desks with the results of the United States general election. Officials would not respond to speculation that these supposed solar events may have been the real cause of defeated Presidential candidate John Kerry's artificial tan.
At 3:49 PM,
Reagan said…
New York City (AP): Scientists and doctors are still trying to figure out what caused the momentary lapse that caused critically acclaimed bloggist Reagan Bockhold to make a typographical error that resulted in fear all across the globe.
Some residents of New York City have speculated that, in fact, the changes in the solar output, which had been dismissed by NASA and other scientific agencies, could have, in fact, caused the lapse.
In Los Angeles, similar concerns were raised. One resident, part-time actor Joey Tribiani, stated, "Dude, she's so, like, pale anyway, any amount of extra sun would fry her. It's such a shame, too, since she's so hot. I wanna say to her, 'How you doin'?'"
Scott Salsman, scientist operating out of Oklahoma City, dismissed these claims late Wednesday afternoon. He said that there was little chance that any solar event could have had any effect on Bockhold. He speculated that it was caused by eating too many Subway sandwiches.
Bockhold has not been seen outside her residence since late Tuesday, when she was sighted by a family with two young children purchasing two large pizzas at Pizza Hut. At press time, tests determining the chemical output of the pizzas were not available.
At 6:50 PM,
Reagan said…
Washington, DC (AP): The paranoia that many people around the world had about the "coning out" of the sun has now shifted to the fast food industry.
Fueled by scientist Scott Salsman's alleged discovery of the cause of acclaimed bloggist Reagan Bockhold's mental lapse, the Center for Disease Control is launching a full-scale investigation of several fast food and dine-in restaurants. Their food items will be thoroughly tested for chemicals that may cause temporary mental impairment.
Among those to be tested are Sonic Drive In, Schlotsky's Deli, Pizza Hut, McDonald's, Subway, Applebees, Garfield's, and Braum's Ice Cream and Dairy Stores. These are restaurants where Bockhold has been sighted in the last week.
President of the Center John Q. Lovezu released a statement early Wednesday evening saying, "We want to make sure that such a tragic event never happens again. This is a way for people to cut down on consumption of fast food and eat my recommended diet of only water and cooked greens."
His co-workers would not cooberate reports that Lovezu was seen sneaking a large Little Caesar's pizza earlier today.
Many American politicians responded to the event. Former President Bill Clinton stated, "It's a toughie, I tell you, but at least Krispy Kreme isn't affected!"
A gentleman claiming to be the ghost of Elvis Presley submitted an email expressing "deep hurt and devastation that my favorite foods may not be around tomorrow." However, the authenticity of the email has not been verified.
At 8:12 AM,
Reagan said…
Cleveland, OH (AP): Testers have almost completed a series of tests in an effort to determine the cause of temporary brain impairment. Many restaraunt chains were tested.
The proponents for the fast-food industry are convinced that there were no chemicals found in the food. However, the Surgeon General is holding out for the results of a series of 175 "provisional tests." These are tests where the validity and soundness have not been proven. The Government are allowing laboratories to conduct these tests, but the results would not be included in the final analysis until they are proven to be valid tests--a process which would take eleven days.
The tests stemmed from a temporary mental lapse that caused acclaimed writer Reagan Bockhold to make a typographical error, thus causing panic all over the world.
At 12:10 PM,
Reagan said…
Washington, D.C. (AP) The Center for Disease Control has verified that there is "no signs of any chemicals" that may have caused any mental lapse.
Reagan Bockhold, the writer whose "spelling mishap" spurred tests on several brands of fast food, has recovered from her lapse, and is planning on attending a drama team practice this evening.
Sources have confirmed that she is "tired, but doing fine."
Doctors are continuing to look for possible causes for her lapse. Meanwhile, many people around the world have submitted their best wishes.
In a statement released from her prison cell, Martha Stewart stated, "If she had just coordinated her screen saver with her monitor and keyboard, this would never have happened. I look forward to her visiting when I get out of here--I will be on house arrest, after all."
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